


All I Have

by Virago77 (PriPri)



Series: Prompts, Pleadings and Prezzies, Oh My! [14]
Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Pre-Relationship, self-hate
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-21
Updated: 2014-06-21
Packaged: 2018-02-05 13:12:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 967
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1819681
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PriPri/pseuds/Virago77
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Derek had lost his entire family and it had hurt like nothing he could ever truly explain.  Each breath he took felt like he was inhaling fire and dying a slow, tortuous death.  Every time he closed his eyes he saw his house—his family—on fire and there he stood, match in hand.  Because he had all but lit the fire himself.  Kate had just been the instrument with which he had caused the destruction of his family and the ruination of his life.</p>
            </blockquote>





	All I Have

**Author's Note:**

> Just a little something that popped into my head after watching the most effed up episode of TWD to date and while doing laundry for Monday.
> 
> Thanks to [ no-sign-of-the-city-lights](http://no-sign-of-the-city-lights.tumblr.com/) for proofing!

* * *

**All I Have**

 

When Stiles asked the group at large for the nth time, “…And why haven’t we killed him yet?” Derek was at his end. 

It was a joke, he knew.  But it was a joke Derek no longer thought was funny—he _never_ thought it was funny.

“Because he’s all I have,” Derek said with such venom that it stopped everyone, including Peter.  Everything was spiraling out of control and he didn’t know what to do to stop it or fix it and Derek was just tired. 

“Derek, I—” Stiles began.

“No!” Derek cut him off.  No excuses, no placating.  No more.

Derek had lost his entire family and it had hurt like nothing he could ever truly explain.  Each breath he took felt like he was inhaling fire and dying a slow, tortuous death.  Every time he closed his eyes he saw his house—his family—on fire and there he stood, match in hand.  Because he had all but lit the fire himself.  Kate had just been the instrument with which he had caused the destruction of his family and the ruination of his life.

None of them would ever comprehend the pain he had endured, that he continued to bear.  Yes, Stiles had lost his mother and it sucked big time.  Derek felt for him—he did—but he still had his father, Scott and Melissa.  And while Stiles would never get over the loss of his mother, he still had family.

Scott had Melissa who would kill and die for him and had nearly done both. Both Deaton and Sheriff Stilinski treated him as a father would.  And though Scott’s father had walked out on him, the man was still alive.  There was opportunity for them to repair their relationship.  That was a luxury Derek did not have.

Isaac was probably the closest to grasping Derek’s sense of loss.  The teen had lost his mother and brother and because of their loss, Isaac’s father had turned into a monster.  But he had still had him.  There was always the possibility of him reforming—he had been good once, he could be that again.  And Isaac would always have the memories of the good times; it was his anchor.  And when he lost the last of his family, Isaac gained a pack in Derek, Erica and Boyd.  Now he had Scott and by extension Melissa.

And Derek?  Derek had lost his parents, sisters and brothers, cousins, aunts and uncles—everyone.  But he had Laura.  Laura, his sister, who felt the loss as profoundly as he had.  Laura, who had to deal with mourning her family, becoming an alpha and a mother to Derek all at once.

They had become each other’s everything in the years after the fire.  In the beginning, they slept in the same bed, wrapped around each other, taking comfort from scent and proximity.  Fearful that if they moved too far away, they would lose each other.  They never let anyone close after the fire; never expanded the pack.  It was Laura and Derek for six years.  They became closer than any siblings they had ever encountered; closer than any siblings should _have_ to be.

And then Laura was gone and in so many ways losing her had hurt far worse than losing his family.  It was like losing the other half of himself.  When he found her, body cut in half and partially missing, Derek wanted to lie down and die with her.  The only thing that stopped him was knowing that Laura wouldn’t want it.  She would kick his ass if he didn’t avenge her and keep the Hale legacy going.  It was a near thing.  Every day Derek wondered if it would be the day that he finally gave up and joined his family in the afterlife.

Losing Laura was why he killed Peter the first time.

It was why he couldn’t kill him a second time.

He had tried to build a pack to help ease the loss.  But Erica and Boyd had run out on him and Isaac was on his way. 

Derek had no one. 

Derek had Peter.

Yes Peter had killed his sister and at least a dozen innocent people.  He was manipulative and snarky, self-serving and psychotic.  He was also knowledgeable and helpful—even if it was only on his terms.  He was a Hale and Derek’s only family.

So no, he wasn’t going to be killing Peter again any time soon.  Or ever.

After his outburst, when he realized that he had said it all out loud, Derek bolted.  He didn’t need to be there for them to judge him, for them to pity him.  They were all going to leave him anyway; might as well give them a head start.

It was hours later when he returned to his loft to find everyone gone.  Everyone save Stiles.

Derek walked inside, dropped his keys on the table and tossed his jacket onto the back of a chair.  “Why are you here, Stiles?”

Stiles ducked his head and shuffled his feet nervously.  It was… it was endearing and Derek cursed at himself for allowing any sort of affection toward the boy.  A boy who only tolerated Derek because he was sometimes useful in a fight; because he had knowledge that could not be achieved through an internet search engine.  “I… I just wanted to say I’m sorry.”

“It’s fine—”

“—and that you’re wrong,” Stiles cut Derek off. 

Surprised, Derek looked at him, eyebrows raised in question.  Stiles took a deep breath before moving into Derek’s space and pulling his hands from inside his pockets, “You are not alone,” Derek nearly jumped when he felt Stiles’ long fingers curl around his wrist.  “You have me Derek,” he said softly, “You have me.”


End file.
